Once my Captain

Today was a good day for paperwork. The town had quieted down from the latest gathering, the weather was dreary, and the rest of the family was on some ill-fated mission to go and collect an intoxicated Ze from the bar next town over. So lieutenant and captain together had holed up in the caravan and filled it with forms and stamps and the quiet scritch-scratch of pens on parchment.
Filippa glanced across the tiny caravan table and smiled. There sat Metztli, looking so comically grouchy, with her head resting in her hand, her brows furrowed, her eyes glaring at a letter in her hand. It was amazing how she could look so precious in any moment, any emotion.

Filippa swallowed. Something was on her mind, a thought that she just couldn't shake no matter how hard she tried. Now was as good a time as any, she guessed.
"Hey, Captain, there's something I wanted to ask you about. Do you mind if we take a break --- just for a bit of course!"

Metztli looked up at the welcome intrusion of Filippa's voice in the quiet. The letter she had been writing was boring, frustrating, and long, and she was glad for the distraction. She put down her pen and smiled at Filippa, jaw unclenching as she took in her Lieutenant's fine, yet strong features. Just seeing her calmed her down, but even as she relaxed, nervousness flickered through her. What type of serious question would merit an introduction such as that?

She took a slow breath, still smiling gently. "Of course! What is it?"

Filippa smiled nervously and ran her hand through her hair.
"It's just something I've been thinking about, and something I just feel like I need to know your opinion on. I'm just worried you'll take it the wrong way but ummm, I've been thinking about retiring from the guard."
She looked up, eyes soft and wide. "I've been thinking about it for a while, but I was--- am--- worried you'd feel like I was abandoning you. I would of course continue to help you wherever you needed it, and we could always have days like this, but, I dunno."
She shifted in her chair. "It's just, for so long Pry held me to the position as the only way to protect myself and my family. I know you liked him, but as far as treating me and my family like people, well, he wasn't that great. He kinda threatened to report our presence if we ever left the guard. And now that he's gone, I've just been thinking about it more. And, I just really like you! I am tired of worrying that we'll get you in trouble with your job."

Metztli felt her insides curl up tight, a shock cutting through her. It quickly flipped to fury at Pry's actions. Her mind raced. Of course. It's okay. It's okay. She was going to have to retire at some point. It's not fair to keep throwing her into danger. It's okay. She felt her jaw clenching and exhaled, trying to keep her face regular. "Spirits. I'm sorry Pry ever did that. It's inexcusable." Anger flared through her. How dare he. She took another slow breath to calm herself. "Of course, make whatever choice you want regarding your position. You have served through more extreme issues in the few years you have been here than most guardsmen in the world would see in their lifetimes." She looked at Filippa's face, taking in her eyepatch, the soft brown of her other eye peeking out behind her hair. "I've also been starting to worry about how you would be serving without sight, if your vision continues to deteriorate." She reached out and laid her hand gently on Filippa's, stroking her thumb along the side of it softly, trying to reassure herself it would be okay. "Plus, you are right, we have been very risky with this little adventure of ours. The secrecy is... exhausting." Maybe we can hold hands in public, or go on a date, or just tell anyone.

Her mind flashed to all the different things Filippa did for her, the note-taking, the talking to farmers and townsfolk. She let a timid grin crack through her nervousness. "Guess I'll have to learn to do some note-taking myself for once, huh?"

Filippa blushed.
"Well, I know that our relationship could cause problems as is, given our backgrounds- I just don't want it any worse with you, you know, being my boss and all. And I've just been thinking- I love helping people and want to keep doing that, but I've felt like I could do it so much more if I weren't in the guard. I um was even thinking of starting a business of my own, helping people find missing people, I don't know. But ugh, I want to keep helping you of course! And I know that your job stresses you out so much, I don't want it to be any worse." She moved her hand to hold Metlzi's again.
"I just want to feel free again. I know why Pry did what he did, but now that I have a choice again..."

"And I could maybe help you take notes still or something! I mean, so long as i can still see what i am writing" she added

Metztli's mind was still in a turmoil, emotions warring within, but she managed to keep herself composed as her fear of abandonment abated. It's alright, she is staying. And then, a quieter voice. Doesn't your obsession with her and refusal to move make you just as bad as Pry? She clamped down on that thought and wrestled it away. "Helping people seems to be your natural state, dearheart," she said, meeting Filippa's eye again. "Starting that business sounds right up your alley. And it'll probably pay more than being on the guard, so you'll be able to pay your rent." Again that insidious voice: If she decides to stay here. She put the thought out of her mind. She just said she would. Stop.

She leaned back, looking serious. "Also, if anybody tries to give me problems about who i am seeing, I'll gladly readjust their brain around. They can go eat dirt. Don't worry about taking notes, I'll have Temur  or Kaya do it. Now i have to figure out a new Lieutenant..."

A smile spread from ear to ear on Filippa's face, "Wait you really think it's a good idea?"  She giggled, clapping her hands together.  "O, maybe i should make signs?  But wait, I guess first I have to figure out pricing!  But, but don't worry, if you need me to do anything to help with guard stuff, you will be first priority!"  She dashed up and out of her chair as if it was just too much to sit down.  She hopped over to Metztli and pecked her cheek.  
"You really think I'd be alright at it?  And you really would be okay if people knew we were seeing each other?"

Metztli couldn't help but smile at Filippa's ebullience. Less a mouse, more like a flittering bird! Maybe she has been repressed by this job. "I'm not sure yet if it would be okay. I feel like it will make things much more difficult with the farmers and the less educated. But... at least we could ease up a bit on the secrecy, so long as we can remain plausibly deniable." She watched Filippa bounce around the tiny room like an excited puppy. "And this is a frontier town in the middle of nowhere, so rules are looser, and you are considered a hero, and in good standing..." She blushed. "Maybe wait until the Inspector has left to be fully out, anyway. I forgot he was still around."

Filippa nodded.  “You’re probably right, we will wait til he’s gone then.”  She sat down with a plop next to Metztli on the bench.   She took a moment to appreciate in dark and wavy mane, her steely gaze, her sharp chin, before she smiled and kissed Metztli's cheek softly.  “Think about all the great date ideas I’ll have time to think of once I’m off of the guard! And time to take care of you- maybe I can take a class and learn how to cook?  I could make you all sorts of things, if you want- whatever you want.”